So I have spent a lot of time thinking these last few days.  I have been thinking about the idea of blessing.  If I am honest, I love life here and I am having such a blast but I also had a count down running of my time here.  I don’t know what it is but I love being here and many of you may not really understand that.  Like when I say I love being here, I LOVE IT!  We have so much fun and I love our family so much.  I long for the times when we are able to go home and hangout with the family.   There is never a dull moment at the house through conversation, dancing, joking, Korean Soap Opera’s…  it is VERY GOOD but I miss people from home so incredibly much. 

Last night Savour, Marvin, Sara, and myself had a conversation about struggle, poor vs. rich, lifestyles, goals and priorities and it made me think a lot.  I went to bed very unsettled and frustrated simply because I wish I knew how both sides of the spectrum worked.  Here, people compare the US and Africa a lot and I am sure we do that in the States as well but to me, it is so difficult to compare them.  The lifestyles and abilities in life are so drastically different that I can’t wrap my mind around how to compare them.  I know and see the differences!  I am not trying to be an ignorant person and “judge” any group of people it is just a hard conversation to have.  I can own and recognize that I am very blessed and so then I began thinking about the term blessed.  I began thinking about what that actually means “to be blessed” and if all I have blesses me, what does that mean for others or does material and what I have not even constitute as blessing?  When looking up the definition of blessing, the Oxford dictionary says: to ask God to look favorably over you; to glorify; and an attribute to one’s good luck to make happy or successful.  After reading through these, I feel more confused at how one can be blessed and one not so blessed.  If God is the one that distributes blessing, then why are others not as blessed as I am?  If God distributes blessing and favor, why do we have kids dying of malnutrition here, right down the street from me!  Many may say that God is choosing or God is withholding blessing but I don’t believe that to be truth.  Throughout our whole conversation last night, the only thing I could think of was blessing outside of material.  I couldn’t help but think about the people I met the first time I traveled to Zambia.

The first time I traveled to Zambia, I met people and spent time with families that were filled with unspeakable joy and hope that I had never seen before.  I had conversations with folks who knew more about life and the real look on life than many people I am in everyday relationship with.  I left Zambia the first time in awe of life here.  I left the first time so struck by the happiness of people, even those people who had nothing, but celebrated life because they were blessed to be living.  I believe my view on life had then changed and my trust in God’s provision grew stronger.  My priorities went from knowing what I want to only having what I need.  I began understanding more and more that money will not satisfy and even though we say it a lot, actually understanding that more money does not create happiness.  I believe I became more and more comfortable living with what I had and less and less worried about what I don’t have.  Now, I came back to revisit this challenge of blessing and the fact that I have a hard time understanding life here because I am very blessed as a white American girl.  I am struggling because I know how I feel and I know what I believe.  I told Marvin last night that I am convinced that if one continue to work hard, they will be fine, taken care of, and shown favor and his response was… you just don’t really understand that it doesn’t always work like that.  He told me that he could go to college and get out to get a job but still struggle to have his own house and living a well supported life.  We were talking about how much things cost in America and he was changing it into Kwatcha (Zambian Money).  It is very interesting to hear life stories about other places around the world and it challenges you to question and check yourself.

So, this is an unfinished blog because I donno

Love You All,  SLE